Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
