Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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