fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
