no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
