watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
