I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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