i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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