who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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