Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
