Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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