Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
