Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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