So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
