well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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