Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
