I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
