her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
