we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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