Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
