This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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