You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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