just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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