Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize