A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're too hungover to prance.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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