just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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