Don't you send me to vm
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
