It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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