I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
