dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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