Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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