when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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