6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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