he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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