Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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