After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
