Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize