Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
