I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
