I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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