End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
