In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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