Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
