Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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