hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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