you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
