I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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