Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
