i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
