i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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