Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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