i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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