he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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