I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
