i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
