Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
