she woke up with a sticky ear
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
