Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
